Reconnect through a real shared moment, explain the career question you are exploring, and request one small conversation rather than leading with a referral request.
Old colleagues: start with evidence
Choose the person for a concrete reason and make the request bounded. Do not assume they remember the same project or can recommend your work today.
A practical process
- Choose the relationship you actually have: former teammate, manager, classmate, or a loose professional contact.
- Write one shared memory or project and one concrete question you want answered; do not imply a promised referral.
- Draft a short note that gives context, asks for a 15–20 minute conversation, and offers an easy out.
- Before sending, verify the person’s current role, channel, and spelling; log the date and one follow-up date.
Worked example
Task: Reconnect with a former project teammate after two years, ask how their field has changed, and leave room for them to decline.
First output / attempt: “Can you refer me for anything? Resume attached.”
Mistake / weakness: The message has no shared context, target, or bounded request and asks for endorsement before reopening the relationship.
Human correction: “Hi Maya — I was on the launch-support team with you at Harborline. I’m exploring customer-operations roles and remembered your handoff process. Would you be open to a 15-minute call about what skills matter most now? No worries if your schedule is full.”
Quality check: Check that the shared detail is true, the question is answerable from the recipient’s experience, and the request can be declined without awkwardness.
Final usable result: Send the edited note to Maya, record the send date, and schedule one courteous follow-up after seven days; if there is no reply, close the loop and continue elsewhere.
A beginner exercise
Input: Choose one real former colleague and one role or decision you are exploring. Steps: Write the shared context in one sentence; choose one question only they can answer; draft a note of 60–80 words; remove any implied obligation. Expected output: A ready-to-send message, a planned follow-up date, and a second contact to approach if there is no response. Retain: The sent note, date, response/next step, and one sentence about what you learned—not private details from the other person.
Measure the result, not just the effort
For two outreach attempts, log minutes spent identifying context and writing, whether the ask was answerable, whether the recipient replied, and whether the exchange produced a next step. Score each message 0–2 for truthful context, clear question, low-pressure wording, and specific follow-up. A reply is not a guaranteed outcome; the useful quality test is whether the note is respectful and easy to answer.
Useful next reads
Use administrative director networking scripts for a more role-specific example, then administrative manager networking scripts for a related next step. Check the examples against your own role and constraints.
Frequently asked questions
How long should I wait before following up?
Use the timing in your original request if you gave one. Otherwise, one brief note after about a week is a reasonable editorial suggestion, not a universal rule. If they still do not reply, stop.
Should I ask for a referral?
Ask about their work first unless you already have a strong relationship and a specific opening. If a role fits, ask whether they are comfortable explaining the normal referral process; let them decide.
What if we have not spoken in years?
Name the shared context accurately and acknowledge the gap without apologizing at length. Keep the first request small and do not pretend the relationship is closer than it is.
Choose the right person before writing
Start with the question you need answered, then identify someone whose experience can answer it. A former supervisor may be the right person for advice about your past work; a former classmate may know a field you are exploring; a community contact may offer context about a local employer. These are different kinds of contacts, so do not ask all of them for the same favor. Refresh your memory using your own records rather than inventing intimacy: a project, date range, event, or team can make the opening concrete. If the relationship was brief, say so. If your last interaction was difficult, acknowledge the gap without asking the other person to reassure you.
Before sending, decide what a useful response would look like even if it is not a referral. It might be one skill to learn, a professional association to investigate, or a correction to your assumptions about the role. That makes the conversation worthwhile on its own and keeps the contact from feeling responsible for your job search.
Make the ask proportionate
A 15-minute call, one question by email, or permission to send a resume is a smaller request than “help me find a job.” State the time boundary and one topic. Offer two possible times only if the person has already agreed to speak. If they decline, thank them; do not seek another contact through them as a workaround. After a conversation, send a thank-you that names one useful point and the action you will take. If the person offers an introduction, confirm the wording they are comfortable forwarding and do not imply endorsement beyond what they said.
Message quality check
- Can the recipient recognize the shared context without searching?
- Is the career question answerable from their experience?
- Can they say no without explaining why?
- Have you avoided attaching private documents before permission?
Keep a small contact log with name, genuine context, question asked, date, and next step. Do not store sensitive personal details or treat a contact list as a quota. One thoughtful exchange can clarify a decision; ten copied notes may only create more follow-up to manage.
Choose timing and channel with care
Use a channel that matches the relationship. A former coworker who regularly used email may prefer a short email; a professional contact who posts publicly may be comfortable receiving a concise LinkedIn note. Do not use private contact details obtained for another purpose, forward an old work email to a personal address, or message across several platforms when one note is unanswered. If you are unsure whether a person remembers you, provide enough context to orient them without assuming closeness. “We met briefly at the 2023 community hiring event” is more respectful than writing as if you speak every week.
Timing should account for the person’s workload and your own deadline. If you have a specific application date, say when you need an answer only if that timing truly matters; do not manufacture urgency. If you need a referral immediately, the contact may not be the right route. Apply through the normal channel and continue networking for insight rather than making the relationship carry your deadline.
A short follow-up that keeps the door open
After about a week, you can send one brief note: “Just bringing this back in case it was buried. I’d still value a pointer if you have time, but no need to reply if your schedule is full.” Do not repeat the entire ask or add new requests. If they respond after you have moved on, thank them and update them honestly. If they cannot meet, “Thanks for letting me know; I appreciate it” is enough.
Use a simple record: date sent, follow-up date, response, promised next step, and completion. Close the loop when you send a thank-you or finish the action they suggested. This helps you remember the conversation without turning people into prospects in a sales funnel.
Sources
- CareerOneStop Job Search — U.S. Department of Labor-sponsored job-search resources for finding openings and preparing a search. Checked October 17, 2026.
- Find jobs on LinkedIn: best practices — LinkedIn’s official tips for using its job-search features; this supports platform-specific steps, not a promise of replies. Checked October 17, 2026.